This post is a continuation of the previous post, so forgive me if I just dive right into it...
Ever since the Lord touched my heart about 12 years, I have been on a journey. A journey of being MADE, which is why the blog is called that. In those 12 years, I have had mountain top experiences and have faced valley lows. In all that time though, one thing was constant... the Lord's faithfulness, constant care, and love for me. The more I understand how much He has done for me when He took upon my sins, having all of my "baggage" placed on His sinless body so I didn't have to pay such a price, the more my heart looks to bridge others to His endless and powerful generosity.
Last post, I described how the Lord started to break my heart for the youth in foster care. When I say "breaking my heart", I mean giving His heart for them to me. It' not easy to see something so broken, that you really don't know what to do about, and commit to being a part of it's betterment. But when you have been given so much undeservedly, like God's continual blessings, love, and faithfulness, how can a heart not want to give out from that fountain of grace? But sometimes that happens... to the best of us. Sometimes those on the receiving end of God's grace can get stuck in a church culture that can make the heart mirky. Not mucky... just mirky:) I think my heart got stuck in "church stuff" where priorities shifted. I was seeing a lot of activity but my heart felt like I was missing something. I got confused of what His priorities even were, until God one day gave me His heart for kids I never knew about. I realize priorities are relative in the context of "calling". However, I know this... children who have been abandoned, who have been wounded, who have wounded themselves, and who have no one to show them the ways that lead to a healthy life or care for them ARE God's priority. If this were not so, Jesus wouldn't have come.
The Lord led me to a need last Christmas. A foster youth who spent her whole childhood in the system was now old enough to "age out" of the system and was on her own... in an empty apartment. An email had somehow gotten to me that she needed a heater because this empty apartment was cold in December. For days the thought of her in an empty apartment, after a parentless childhood, weighed on my heart till it broke. This heater led to an involvement with the foster care community that I never saw coming. The invisible children, kids I never knew about, have now become visible. Now FEELING God's heart, KNOWING His grace and love, and SEEING where both His heart and love need to be directed led me to start The Storehouse. We serve the foster care community with free resources that range from providing basic needs for the kids in the system to furnishing the first homes of youth who "age out" of the system. We also provide educational/housing needs and ULTIMATELY HOMES for the kids who need caring families by partnering with the Department of Child and Family Services in the state. Simply, we are putting the scripture James 1:27 to action combined with our belief that there is more than enough supply for EVERY need in God's Storehouse. We have seen God provide in amazing ways already and He keeps expanding our reach in what we can provide. It's daunting because the needs are so great BUT HE IS TRULY AT WORK in demonstrating His faithfulness to these kids and families who need a tangible expression of His love and care.
Make no mistake, I do not believe "good works" get us closer to God. God's blessings and acceptance comes from nothing and no one other than Christ. You can't earn it. Only believing in what Christ has already done for us on the Cross gives us right standing with God. This "work" that I do is because of His great work in me. It is an honor to be a part of His plans and caring for those He puts in front of us. It's just an absolute honor and an absolute joy.
My prayer is that the love of Christ would become or continue to be a reality in our hearts. It is only from this reality where our greatest capacity to care comes forth.
Please turn your hearts to children who need care, homes, families, love. Contact me or your state's Department of Child and Family Services to see how you can care for the orphaned in your community.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This post is dedicated to those families who have already grabbed the rope to climb this mountain with us and to the kids who inspire every step.)
Friday, July 20, 2012
Sunday, June 3, 2012
YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART: PART 2
Action springs not from thought, but from a readiness for responsibility.
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer
This post is a continuation of the previous post, so if you're wondering why I am just cutting to the chase, that's why.
So where were we? Oh yes...
3. We think it is SO about us. I am all for the Church helping folks grow strong in the Lord and in the truth of who they are in Him. However, human nature is a strong force. It seems that we can get stuck within our four walls, focused only on our problems, our wants, our programs, and our routines. With this short-sighted view of the Church's role in the Kingdom of God, we miss the bigger vision. While we are supposedly growing in Christ, the rest of the world on the "outside" is waiting to see the sons and daughters of God revealed in their new found strength. We all have hang-ups. We will ALWAYS be working them out along the way. BUT He is faithful to complete what He started in us. I promise one thing. He never designed us to live self-centered, reclusive, or apathetic lives... no matter what our hang-ups are.
Check Isaiah 58:4-14 out:
Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the Lord?
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the Lord?
“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter —
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter —
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
“If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
“If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
then you will find your joy in the Lord,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
A lot of benefits are promised here for God's people when they reach out beyond themselves. God's people get blessed and so do those who need His touch… a tangible one. Now that's a system that finally makes sense to me.
I have seen every one of these benefits manifest in my own life. I can't be clear enough when I say that when the bible says it is truly more blessed to give than to receive... that's a fact. Especially when the giving is done with the right heart, not done with self-seeking motives. Only one simple motive will do... to love.
I was praying one day about what the Lord would have me focus on. Since Phoenix was now in school full-time and I felt to step out of all leadership within the church for a time, I now had... well, time. I was a bit anxious praying because I am not one to feel comfortable being still (which by the way is a requirement for hearing the Lord... clearly). I was struggling to just sit there and listen. I thought the Lord might hurry it up if I cried out. So I did. What drama. Anyway, I remember telling the Lord that I will go anywhere and do anything for Him if He would just make it clear. After telling God I would go care for millions of orphans with Heidi Bakker in Africa, all I heard in return was the garbage truck emptying all the trash cans on the street. Is that one of the most aggravating sounds on earth, or is it just me?
Finally, that still small voice did answer.
It came when I ditched the quiet time with God, since He wasn't responding fast enough to my inquiry, and went to work on my computer! GO FIGURE! I'm not joking. I was looking through my emails and I saw this random one about a girl needing a heater for her new apartment. She just aged-out of the foster care system. She obtained a new apartment but didn't have a heater, or much of anything really. At this time it was around Christmas, so it was cold. I remember thinking, why was I sent this email. Then I remember thinking, WHY was she given an apartment with no heat! THEN I remember thinking, WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DID AN EMAIL EVEN HAVE TO BE SENT OUT ABOUT THIS. HOW HARD IS IT TO GET A HEATER FOR 30 BUCKS AT WAL-MART! I was livid. I went into a train wreck of thoughts about how if the Church was doing it's job, this girl would not only have a heater, but a home filled with all she needed to live comfortably. Heck, if the Church was doing it's job, SHE WOULD HAVE PARENTS!
As I grew mad, all of a sudden, my heart started breaking. What is this? My heart hurt. I started feeling for this girl. She had spent all her life in different homes, has a new start as an independent, and all she is left with at the end of all that loneliness, abuse, and rejection was an empty cold apartment. My heart cracked and it hurt. Now I know why it's easier to stay ignorant or distant from the needs of others. When you allow yourself to really "see" the reality of someone's desperate situation, it touches you. Deeply. All of a sudden that still small voice of God's came... "Can you do something practical Kim? Can you go get the heater for her?" I was seeking the Lord earlier that day about moving to Africa and mothering orphans and the Lord answered me with a practical request from my own backyard. I started to understand what He was trying to say, and there would be more heaters to buy.
To be continued...
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to the young lady to whom I brought the heater to. I was hoping to change your life, but in turn, you changed mine. BTW, I am still hoping to change yours.)
Friday, June 1, 2012
YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART: PART 1
Christianity is a faith that was meant to spread-but not through coercion. God's love was intended to be demonstrated, not dictated. Our charge is to both proclaim and embody the gospel so that others can see, hear, and feel God's love in tangible ways.
- Richard Stearns, "The Hole In The Gospel"
There have been 2 questions that have haunted me for the past 6 years:
1. What is church really suppose to be... and do?
2. What is a Christian really suppose to be... and do?
As I became jaded about the Church ( I am using the uppercase "C" to represent the church in general regardless of denomination) years ago, I started to ask these questions. Boy did it put me on a path of discovery that I never saw coming! The one thing I know for sure is this... If you ask the Lord hard pressed questions, He WILL give you the answers, in His way and His time. Some church folks get weird when you start questioning things, but actually this became the most beneficial thing I could have done as it related to my relationship with God and the church. He saw it fitting that these answers came by way of process for me. A process means waiting, and if you read this blog, you know how much I loath waiting:)
I am not going to go into the MANY ways the Lord has given me inches of these answers over the last 6 years of searching and researching. Some of these ways are described in earlier posts. I am however going to speak very frankly about certain answers that have changed how I view church and my relationship as a child of God...
America is the most evangelized nation in the world. We have churches on every corner it seems. Years ago I started to wonder why with SO MANY churches was there NOT MUCH transformation in the communities they reside in. With people who supposedly "knew" the most powerful and loving Being in the universe, why was there such a lack of evidence in their communities of this love and power. I heard about great faith, great love, and a great God... so where was the great changes that should accompany such greatness? It didn't measure up.
Without a shadow of a doubt I knew Jesus was real and powerful. I had experienced Him personally in a very dramatic way. NOBODY can tell me anything to derail me from the truth of who He is . Many have tried, and many fail. That's how important a personal encounter with Christ is (I can see how one would have to rely strictly on head knowledge and could doubt without a personal experience of His presence). I have also seen His real and powerful love change many lives over the years, so I knew He was powerful to change us in ways that we could NEVER on our own. So if He was all that He claimed to be, then it was the Church who was suspect.
Some folks may think that I am hard on the Church or I am just negative. This is far from the truth. It's because I love the Church and believe in it's existence that I am passionate about seeing it do what it is really suppose to do and be what it is really suppose to be. I am literally grieved when I see us play Church and not be the Church. The message of the gospel, the message about Jesus, is so life transforming that even if one church was "being" what Jesus meant for it to be, the evidence of that LIFE in it's surrounding community/ies would be completely undeniable. So what's the problem?
1. We don't really know how much we are loved by the Lord. We haven't really grasped the reality of it. It is too great for us to comprehend. We are so use to earning and obtaining in this life that we struggle to receive anything we haven't deserved or earned. This great LOVE WAS FREE... IS FREE. I have found when we truly receive that love, our faith will naturally and joyfully produce good works, the kind He made for us to do before the foundations of the world.
2. We have made it routine. Our hearts need to be connected to the message we claim to believe and to the person we claim to worship. It's only when the heart is connected that faith turns into action. Even our giving must be with a merry heart, a heart that is connected, for it really to mean anything... for it to be real worship... for faith to produce something that has substance. I have to pray everyday that the Lord continue to pull my heart close to His. It's not easy for a heart to stay present in worship or in relationship to Jesus in this life. We have SO many things competing for our hearts, it's tough. That's why I don't pretend to have the love, the passion, the fire for Him or His will at all times... when I don't. I pray EVERYDAY the Lord keep that love burning in me, so my "doings" are flowing from a sincere love for Him and others, and not from cold commitment or false obligation.
3. We have made it SO about us!
To be continued... I'll post more tomorrow. This particular post will probably be 2 or 3 parts.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This post is dedicated to the foster children who have benefitted thus far from my "heart change" that occurred as a result of this 6 year process. Praise the Lord He didn't leave me feeling "ok" with the status quo. I was blind, but now I see.)
- Richard Stearns, "The Hole In The Gospel"
There have been 2 questions that have haunted me for the past 6 years:
1. What is church really suppose to be... and do?
2. What is a Christian really suppose to be... and do?
As I became jaded about the Church ( I am using the uppercase "C" to represent the church in general regardless of denomination) years ago, I started to ask these questions. Boy did it put me on a path of discovery that I never saw coming! The one thing I know for sure is this... If you ask the Lord hard pressed questions, He WILL give you the answers, in His way and His time. Some church folks get weird when you start questioning things, but actually this became the most beneficial thing I could have done as it related to my relationship with God and the church. He saw it fitting that these answers came by way of process for me. A process means waiting, and if you read this blog, you know how much I loath waiting:)
I am not going to go into the MANY ways the Lord has given me inches of these answers over the last 6 years of searching and researching. Some of these ways are described in earlier posts. I am however going to speak very frankly about certain answers that have changed how I view church and my relationship as a child of God...
America is the most evangelized nation in the world. We have churches on every corner it seems. Years ago I started to wonder why with SO MANY churches was there NOT MUCH transformation in the communities they reside in. With people who supposedly "knew" the most powerful and loving Being in the universe, why was there such a lack of evidence in their communities of this love and power. I heard about great faith, great love, and a great God... so where was the great changes that should accompany such greatness? It didn't measure up.
Without a shadow of a doubt I knew Jesus was real and powerful. I had experienced Him personally in a very dramatic way. NOBODY can tell me anything to derail me from the truth of who He is . Many have tried, and many fail. That's how important a personal encounter with Christ is (I can see how one would have to rely strictly on head knowledge and could doubt without a personal experience of His presence). I have also seen His real and powerful love change many lives over the years, so I knew He was powerful to change us in ways that we could NEVER on our own. So if He was all that He claimed to be, then it was the Church who was suspect.
Some folks may think that I am hard on the Church or I am just negative. This is far from the truth. It's because I love the Church and believe in it's existence that I am passionate about seeing it do what it is really suppose to do and be what it is really suppose to be. I am literally grieved when I see us play Church and not be the Church. The message of the gospel, the message about Jesus, is so life transforming that even if one church was "being" what Jesus meant for it to be, the evidence of that LIFE in it's surrounding community/ies would be completely undeniable. So what's the problem?
1. We don't really know how much we are loved by the Lord. We haven't really grasped the reality of it. It is too great for us to comprehend. We are so use to earning and obtaining in this life that we struggle to receive anything we haven't deserved or earned. This great LOVE WAS FREE... IS FREE. I have found when we truly receive that love, our faith will naturally and joyfully produce good works, the kind He made for us to do before the foundations of the world.
2. We have made it routine. Our hearts need to be connected to the message we claim to believe and to the person we claim to worship. It's only when the heart is connected that faith turns into action. Even our giving must be with a merry heart, a heart that is connected, for it really to mean anything... for it to be real worship... for faith to produce something that has substance. I have to pray everyday that the Lord continue to pull my heart close to His. It's not easy for a heart to stay present in worship or in relationship to Jesus in this life. We have SO many things competing for our hearts, it's tough. That's why I don't pretend to have the love, the passion, the fire for Him or His will at all times... when I don't. I pray EVERYDAY the Lord keep that love burning in me, so my "doings" are flowing from a sincere love for Him and others, and not from cold commitment or false obligation.
3. We have made it SO about us!
To be continued... I'll post more tomorrow. This particular post will probably be 2 or 3 parts.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This post is dedicated to the foster children who have benefitted thus far from my "heart change" that occurred as a result of this 6 year process. Praise the Lord He didn't leave me feeling "ok" with the status quo. I was blind, but now I see.)
Thursday, April 26, 2012
BOTOX TO BANDANNAS, AND EVERYONE IN BETWEEN... NEXT!
Romans 3:22-24
This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to ALL who believe. There is NO DIFFERENCE between Jew and Gentile, for ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT of the glory of God, and ALL ARE JUSTIFIED FREELY by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
I had to go to the courthouse last week because I got a ticket and forgot to pay it (gasp). There was now a warrant out for my arrest (double gasp). I know. I am a heathen. The ONLY way out was to pay a bail amount, which was a RIDICULOUS amount. I know California is broke, but come on! Don't make me pay for the incompetence of those running this place. I vote for the mavericks, so don't be taking me down with the ship by sticking it to me for a minor mistake in society. I wasn't going a 100mph! I will move on before I break out the violin for myself:)
I enter the courthouse. I immediately get searched and scanned. My first real feelings of guilt for this ticket come over me while an officer pats me down. My minor mistake is now realized as breaking the law. Wow, maybe I am a heathen. Court workers were yelling at all of us, trying to bring order to a big herd confused of how to correct, and find mercy for, the bad things we have done. In line I was sandwiched in between a guy with a bandanna lowered over his eyes wearing a shirt that read "born on the streets", AND a Hollywood starlet dressed in denim and diamonds (or rhinestones) looking like she just came from a botox party. People started having conversations about why they were there. As I was respectfully listening to a guy talk about how a stupid *beep *beep cop pulled him over for having a what they thought was drugs in the back of his *beep *beep car, I was shouted at by a female clerk who was ready to deal with my pathetic soul... "NEXT!"
I started to make excuses to her like she was the judge. All of a sudden, a guy who looked like he'd been in the sun for a century started yelling and making threats to the clerk at the next window. The cops jumped on him like a burning fire. For fear of cops jumping on me next, I forget making excuses and just asked for mercy. I owned being a heathen, breaking the law, and now I just want to pay for what I have done. She coldly told me to pay the bail. Ugh. I can't pay that amount. It's too high for me. I was explaining this, putting on puppy-dog eyes. She looked completely annoyed. Finally, a miracle happened. She lowered it... a little. At least it was something. I paid the reduced bail and left wondering how the starlet, and my homie who was "born on the streets", made out.
All of us in that courthouse were so different in so many ways, YET we were all waiting in the same line because well, we broke the law. We were waiting to plead for the same thing... mercy. As much as we judge each other ALL THE TIME for ALL KINDS OF THINGS, we are ALL in the SAME line. No matter what we look like, what socio-economic background we are in, or even the level of seriousness our "mistakes" are, the bible says that we are all sinners. All of us. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. Whether we like to hear that or not is not even relevant, because that is a fact we will never be able to disprove based on opinion. However, it is also a fact that ALL our sins have been paid for by One who is more merciful than any clerk or court judge at the courthouse that heard our pleas for mercy that day. This Judge didn't just give us a little reduction in bail, He paid it Himself in full! Meaning, ANYONE who comes to him and just SIMPLY believes in this amazing truth and asks for forgiveness for those sins/shortcomings is COMPLETELY exonerated. Righteousness is then given in love and received by faith alone IN CHRIST. He is the One who is our court advocate and has paid in full the bail for us all. This promise isn't for just me, or my botox beauty, or my homie... it's for ALL.
NEXT!
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to my fellow lawbreakers who stood in line with me at the Chatsworth courthouse. His mercies are new each and every morning.)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I'M A PHOENIX
PSALM 24:16
THE RIGHTEOUS FALLS SEVEN TIMES AND RISES AGAIN.
The word "righteous" really doesn't come to mind when thinking of adjectives to describe myself. Words like stubborn and goofy are a better fit. Yet the hardest falls of my life have all been followed by an amazingly strife-less rise. My good share of stumbles, fumbles, and outright humiliations in life somehow are ALWAYS redeemed in very strategic ways. Like a phoenix. When it looks like I am dead in the ashes of failure, my wings somehow rise, a wind lifts, and then I see a purposed destination where I had not intended to go... but it's good. Very good.
I did not make ANY resolutions for the new year because I realized that when it comes to bettering myself or making strides to fulfill a purpose, I don't know jack. Instead, I have decided to buckle my seatbelt and look straight ahead as this wind thrusts me forward and then listen very carefully to the pilot in charge of this ride.
When you trust the Lord, your failures make you stronger. Wiser. More resilient. How much wiser can a girl get? Ha.
Did you know that most successful entrepreneurs and pioneers are failures before their success came? (Abraham Lincoln being the most famous among them.) Do you know why? Because they weren't afraid to try things? Many folks never step out of their comfort zones. However, I can get a little too comfortable stepping out of my comfort zone in some things. That seatbelt I was strapping on for this year I mentioned earlier, it's a new thing for me. But I have learned that THAT seatbelt holding me in , is not holding me back. It's crucial for positioning and landing exactly where I need to without harm.
I have talked to MANY people with stories of supposed failure this year. Many of these folks aren't irresponsible, stupid, or rebels. On the contrary. They are hard working folks who just found out they didn't have the control they once thought, or that government wasn't the answer, or that "letting go and letting God" actually works. They are businessmen who realized family was the most important thing in life. They are students who realized doing your best doesn't mean perfection but trying with a good attitude. They are moms who realized playing with your kid in the mud is better time spent than keeping them out of it. They are ministers who realized ministry was more in the everyday living... that church programs would never make as big of an impact on this world than if every Christian would just make Jesus' command "to love" a LIFESTYLE, not event. (Ok, that one was my personal revelation.)
At times failures are wake-up calls. Thank God for them. We are realizing what is important in this life. We are realizing we don't have all the answers. We are realizing that a lot more dependency on the One who has complete control of everything is crucial. Whether you are an individual, business, or nation we need guidance when all else fails. We have looked for a perfect plan from imperfect people and a wake-up call is being sounded. We now need the Perfect One to pilot us out of this mess, these failures, and this apathy that has produced stress in our individual lives and more orphans, homeless, and debt among our societies.
But there is Hope. There is ALWAYS Hope awaiting us. This hope is a Living Hope who has the power to make those who have fallen rise again. Thank you Jesus that your love never fails, even when we do.
I'll leave you with some lyrics to a personal song favorite:
Phoenix Burn
by Alfa Red
I need love that will release me
Keep me honest, keep me happy
I need a peace with understanding
Trying to find a softer landing
I wanna know when I can change this
Or give it up and just embrace it
I need to find a way of letting it go
When everything falls apart
I've taken too much, given up
I am twisted, burning, breaking up
I need to find a way of letting it go
When everything falls apart
-------
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to those who have shared their stories of failure with me. You can resurrect because He did.)
THE RIGHTEOUS FALLS SEVEN TIMES AND RISES AGAIN.
The word "righteous" really doesn't come to mind when thinking of adjectives to describe myself. Words like stubborn and goofy are a better fit. Yet the hardest falls of my life have all been followed by an amazingly strife-less rise. My good share of stumbles, fumbles, and outright humiliations in life somehow are ALWAYS redeemed in very strategic ways. Like a phoenix. When it looks like I am dead in the ashes of failure, my wings somehow rise, a wind lifts, and then I see a purposed destination where I had not intended to go... but it's good. Very good.
I did not make ANY resolutions for the new year because I realized that when it comes to bettering myself or making strides to fulfill a purpose, I don't know jack. Instead, I have decided to buckle my seatbelt and look straight ahead as this wind thrusts me forward and then listen very carefully to the pilot in charge of this ride.
When you trust the Lord, your failures make you stronger. Wiser. More resilient. How much wiser can a girl get? Ha.
Did you know that most successful entrepreneurs and pioneers are failures before their success came? (Abraham Lincoln being the most famous among them.) Do you know why? Because they weren't afraid to try things? Many folks never step out of their comfort zones. However, I can get a little too comfortable stepping out of my comfort zone in some things. That seatbelt I was strapping on for this year I mentioned earlier, it's a new thing for me. But I have learned that THAT seatbelt holding me in , is not holding me back. It's crucial for positioning and landing exactly where I need to without harm.
I have talked to MANY people with stories of supposed failure this year. Many of these folks aren't irresponsible, stupid, or rebels. On the contrary. They are hard working folks who just found out they didn't have the control they once thought, or that government wasn't the answer, or that "letting go and letting God" actually works. They are businessmen who realized family was the most important thing in life. They are students who realized doing your best doesn't mean perfection but trying with a good attitude. They are moms who realized playing with your kid in the mud is better time spent than keeping them out of it. They are ministers who realized ministry was more in the everyday living... that church programs would never make as big of an impact on this world than if every Christian would just make Jesus' command "to love" a LIFESTYLE, not event. (Ok, that one was my personal revelation.)
At times failures are wake-up calls. Thank God for them. We are realizing what is important in this life. We are realizing we don't have all the answers. We are realizing that a lot more dependency on the One who has complete control of everything is crucial. Whether you are an individual, business, or nation we need guidance when all else fails. We have looked for a perfect plan from imperfect people and a wake-up call is being sounded. We now need the Perfect One to pilot us out of this mess, these failures, and this apathy that has produced stress in our individual lives and more orphans, homeless, and debt among our societies.
But there is Hope. There is ALWAYS Hope awaiting us. This hope is a Living Hope who has the power to make those who have fallen rise again. Thank you Jesus that your love never fails, even when we do.
I'll leave you with some lyrics to a personal song favorite:
Phoenix Burn
by Alfa Red
I need love that will release me
Keep me honest, keep me happy
I need a peace with understanding
Trying to find a softer landing
I wanna know when I can change this
Or give it up and just embrace it
I need to find a way of letting it go
When everything falls apart
I've taken too much, given up
I am twisted, burning, breaking up
I need to find a way of letting it go
When everything falls apart
-------
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to those who have shared their stories of failure with me. You can resurrect because He did.)
Friday, April 13, 2012
THE RIGHT PERSON
Philippians 2:1-4
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
A few weeks ago, I was in a ritzy shopping area returning something to a store. My car died in the parking lot. My first thought was, "thank the Lord I'm not in a shady neighborhood". Because of the line of service I am in, I usually am. My second thought was, "I'm gonna just pray it will start and get a break". Because of the line of service I am in, those breaks happen quite often:)
I prayed.
Nothing.
I prayed more enthusiastically (all you religious zealots out there can imagine, right?).
Still nothing.
(sigh)
Now I am having a talk with the Lord: "Really Lord? I'm gonna have to work at this one? I'm actually going to have to ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP?".
I hate asking for help. But at least I'm in a great, safe neighborhood to ask for help. Yep, this area (name withheld in order to avoid offending later) is beautiful where the rich live and the blue collar serve. Where most cars are Mercedes, Range Rovers, and other luxury vehicles. I'm not worried about guns being turned on me, or car jacking, or other things that happen on a daily basis in certain neighborhoods where I usually find myself.
So I get out of the car and wait to make eye contact with the "right person" who has the time, the heart, and the knowledge to juice up my battery.
I wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
I try and make eye contact with men through their over-the-top eyewear/sunglasses. No connection. Why? Are they ignoring me? I think they are! Wow, for real? A girl has got her car hood up with a concerned look on her face and oil on her hands and clothes... IN CALABASAS (ok, I said it)... and NOBODY is noticing! Really??
Really.
While men are getting in their Ferraris that could easily juice up my little Jeep in 2 seconds, I am looking like a deer in headlights. Finally, I see a guy walking up to me. His name is Burt. Burt said he would help me. He's cheerful about it. Burt cleans the store windows. He is the first to acknowledge my need and offer help. He needs jumper cables though. He starts asking people if they have them. Several people say they don't. Yeah right, but moving onto the more positive part of the story:) Then Stan enters the scene. He has jumper cables. Stan works as a clerk for Rite Aid. He said he noticed we needed help. In a few minutes after the "right people" came to the rescue, I was in my car... safe and sound and driving to my next errand.
I serve the foster care community. I get resources to them because I saw them out on the sidewalk (figuratively speaking), with concerned looks on their faces, looking as I did by my car. I saw people passing them by as they tried to make "eye contact". They needed a jump-start like I did that day. After years of passing them by myself, I finally stopped and acknowledged their need. I finally became the right person with the time, the heart, and the knowledge. I haven't always been the "right person". I once lived for myself. Only concerned with my world, my life, and my problems. So much so that I didn't see humanity broken down on the side of the road. Thankfully, that has since changed.
The Burts and Stans of this world are created. They are. Most people I know who make themselves available to those broken down on the side of the road needing a hand have experienced needing a hand at some time in their lives themselves. Or it was modeled to them growing up. I can't imagine a world where the Burts and the Stans don't exit. That scares me. For anyone who doesn't believe that God is active in our lives, may I suggest He shows up on the scene in the hearts and hands of these people. I prayed and my engine didn't miraculously work. BUT I prayed and Burt showed up. So it is when a kid needs a home, or someone needs to eat, or someone needs a bed. The miracle is in those who show up.
I don't want to ignore. Pretend I don't see. Say I have nothing to give, when I do. I want to be THE RIGHT PERSON.
I'll leave you with a few lyrics from one of my favorite songs:
LAND OF CONFUSION
Phil Collins
There's too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there's not much love to go around
Can't you see this is a land of confusion?
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we're given
Use them and let's start trying
To make it a place worth living in.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
*I'm not dogging the rich by the way. I know many affluent folks who show up too:) It was just how my real life story played out.
(This entry is dedicated to Burt and Stan, and to the Burt and Stan's everywhere.)
If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
A few weeks ago, I was in a ritzy shopping area returning something to a store. My car died in the parking lot. My first thought was, "thank the Lord I'm not in a shady neighborhood". Because of the line of service I am in, I usually am. My second thought was, "I'm gonna just pray it will start and get a break". Because of the line of service I am in, those breaks happen quite often:)
I prayed.
Nothing.
I prayed more enthusiastically (all you religious zealots out there can imagine, right?).
Still nothing.
(sigh)
Now I am having a talk with the Lord: "Really Lord? I'm gonna have to work at this one? I'm actually going to have to ASK SOMEONE FOR HELP?".
I hate asking for help. But at least I'm in a great, safe neighborhood to ask for help. Yep, this area (name withheld in order to avoid offending later) is beautiful where the rich live and the blue collar serve. Where most cars are Mercedes, Range Rovers, and other luxury vehicles. I'm not worried about guns being turned on me, or car jacking, or other things that happen on a daily basis in certain neighborhoods where I usually find myself.
So I get out of the car and wait to make eye contact with the "right person" who has the time, the heart, and the knowledge to juice up my battery.
I wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.
I try and make eye contact with men through their over-the-top eyewear/sunglasses. No connection. Why? Are they ignoring me? I think they are! Wow, for real? A girl has got her car hood up with a concerned look on her face and oil on her hands and clothes... IN CALABASAS (ok, I said it)... and NOBODY is noticing! Really??
Really.
While men are getting in their Ferraris that could easily juice up my little Jeep in 2 seconds, I am looking like a deer in headlights. Finally, I see a guy walking up to me. His name is Burt. Burt said he would help me. He's cheerful about it. Burt cleans the store windows. He is the first to acknowledge my need and offer help. He needs jumper cables though. He starts asking people if they have them. Several people say they don't. Yeah right, but moving onto the more positive part of the story:) Then Stan enters the scene. He has jumper cables. Stan works as a clerk for Rite Aid. He said he noticed we needed help. In a few minutes after the "right people" came to the rescue, I was in my car... safe and sound and driving to my next errand.
I serve the foster care community. I get resources to them because I saw them out on the sidewalk (figuratively speaking), with concerned looks on their faces, looking as I did by my car. I saw people passing them by as they tried to make "eye contact". They needed a jump-start like I did that day. After years of passing them by myself, I finally stopped and acknowledged their need. I finally became the right person with the time, the heart, and the knowledge. I haven't always been the "right person". I once lived for myself. Only concerned with my world, my life, and my problems. So much so that I didn't see humanity broken down on the side of the road. Thankfully, that has since changed.
The Burts and Stans of this world are created. They are. Most people I know who make themselves available to those broken down on the side of the road needing a hand have experienced needing a hand at some time in their lives themselves. Or it was modeled to them growing up. I can't imagine a world where the Burts and the Stans don't exit. That scares me. For anyone who doesn't believe that God is active in our lives, may I suggest He shows up on the scene in the hearts and hands of these people. I prayed and my engine didn't miraculously work. BUT I prayed and Burt showed up. So it is when a kid needs a home, or someone needs to eat, or someone needs a bed. The miracle is in those who show up.
I don't want to ignore. Pretend I don't see. Say I have nothing to give, when I do. I want to be THE RIGHT PERSON.
I'll leave you with a few lyrics from one of my favorite songs:
LAND OF CONFUSION
Phil Collins
There's too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there's not much love to go around
Can't you see this is a land of confusion?
This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we're given
Use them and let's start trying
To make it a place worth living in.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
*I'm not dogging the rich by the way. I know many affluent folks who show up too:) It was just how my real life story played out.
(This entry is dedicated to Burt and Stan, and to the Burt and Stan's everywhere.)
Monday, April 9, 2012
Excuses, Excuses, and More Darn Excuses!
So some of you may have noticed I have been out of commission for awhile. I started the blog last summer, and after 14 posts, I fell off the face of the earth. Well, I have two reasons... or excuses. They go as follows:
1. I flaked because I am a perfectionist, so writing a SMALL blog gives me MASSIVE anxiety. Seriously.
2. I realized that writing a small blog takes away a lot of PRECIOUS mental energy that I need to expend on my young son, and husband.
OK, so here I am talking about my inner issues with anxiety AGAIN. I know. I find that this truth hurts my ego more than I would like to admit, so being "out of the closet" about it helps me cope. But I digress.
I just stopped writing and life got busy. As months past though, I realized that if I am not spilling out precious mental energy on writing, I am spilling it out on something. With my son at school for half the day now and my husband working like a dog, what is my excuse?
(Crickets chirping)...
Exactly.
What IS my excuse! I.AM.STALLING. Why? Trust me, my family gets more of my mental energy than they would like! Those of you who "know" me know what i am talking about. So I sought the Lord about what was going on here. Why this constant self-sabataging procrastination or flakiness?
I prayed.
I pondered.
I prayed some more.
Then FINALLY I came up with my answer that was later confirmed by a friend. This procrastination has a root of fear attached to it. It is something that has crippled me in the past. I have definitely found MAJOR freedom from it in the last 6 years of my life so why is this weight still tied around my neck. Fear of man is a seedy and often subtle thing that hinders people from being who they were created to be and doing what they were created to do. I have talked about this before. Yet, I had no idea a remnant of it was the culprit in holding myself back... AGAIN, but this time from writing. Even though I have had so much freedom from this bondage, it still managed to creep in so subtly in my procrastination to write. Procrastination doesn't have to be a sign of laziness by the way. I have come to understand it is rooted in fear as well.
I should know this by now. How long have I been counseling people with the same issues?! But I guess I still wanted to hold onto the "excuse".... so I wouldn't have to put myself out there.
To sum it up, the answer to my self-sabotaging procrastination is "DON'T GIVE A RIP!". I know that sounds soooo gritty. Well... I'm gritty (me not giving a rip right here, just so you know).
Many have asked me to blog. I felt to start one. So here we go again.
As I pray for all of you who read these things to receive some kind of word from God through them, please also pray that I continue slaying my own dragons in the process. Writing seems to be the Lord's "process of choice" right now to refine me. Let's do this together:)
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to Shane Jr., aka Shizl. Let's do this together.)
1. I flaked because I am a perfectionist, so writing a SMALL blog gives me MASSIVE anxiety. Seriously.
2. I realized that writing a small blog takes away a lot of PRECIOUS mental energy that I need to expend on my young son, and husband.
OK, so here I am talking about my inner issues with anxiety AGAIN. I know. I find that this truth hurts my ego more than I would like to admit, so being "out of the closet" about it helps me cope. But I digress.
I just stopped writing and life got busy. As months past though, I realized that if I am not spilling out precious mental energy on writing, I am spilling it out on something. With my son at school for half the day now and my husband working like a dog, what is my excuse?
(Crickets chirping)...
Exactly.
What IS my excuse! I.AM.STALLING. Why? Trust me, my family gets more of my mental energy than they would like! Those of you who "know" me know what i am talking about. So I sought the Lord about what was going on here. Why this constant self-sabataging procrastination or flakiness?
I prayed.
I pondered.
I prayed some more.
Then FINALLY I came up with my answer that was later confirmed by a friend. This procrastination has a root of fear attached to it. It is something that has crippled me in the past. I have definitely found MAJOR freedom from it in the last 6 years of my life so why is this weight still tied around my neck. Fear of man is a seedy and often subtle thing that hinders people from being who they were created to be and doing what they were created to do. I have talked about this before. Yet, I had no idea a remnant of it was the culprit in holding myself back... AGAIN, but this time from writing. Even though I have had so much freedom from this bondage, it still managed to creep in so subtly in my procrastination to write. Procrastination doesn't have to be a sign of laziness by the way. I have come to understand it is rooted in fear as well.
I should know this by now. How long have I been counseling people with the same issues?! But I guess I still wanted to hold onto the "excuse".... so I wouldn't have to put myself out there.
To sum it up, the answer to my self-sabotaging procrastination is "DON'T GIVE A RIP!". I know that sounds soooo gritty. Well... I'm gritty (me not giving a rip right here, just so you know).
Many have asked me to blog. I felt to start one. So here we go again.
As I pray for all of you who read these things to receive some kind of word from God through them, please also pray that I continue slaying my own dragons in the process. Writing seems to be the Lord's "process of choice" right now to refine me. Let's do this together:)
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to Shane Jr., aka Shizl. Let's do this together.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)