New International Version (©1984)
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
New Living Translation (©2007)
For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.
"Health is thought of in terms of wholeness, well-being, life, strength, and salvation... What modern man confines to the body, the Bible extends to the whole of man's being and relationships. It is only when man's being is whole and his relationships right that he can be truly described as healthy." - John Wilkinson
So I wanted to take a month or so off from ministry life to write. That's why I haven't posted in awhile. I have four writing projects I want to focus on. I have been making SOME strides. Keyword being "some". Maybe it has something to do with my uncanny ability to procrastinate or the almost non-existent character trait of self-discipline (yes, I am fully aware that self-discipline is a fruit of the Holy Spirit and I am also fully aware I do not have it), but instead of writing, I found myself spending the "off" time differently. Not writing... much. I found myself doing something I am constantly struggling to do. Something that doesn't feel natural, doesn't feel steady, doesn't feel healthy, and I write about it a lot because it's my struggle in life... RESTING! WHAT UP!
REST happened in Louisiana where I was going to visit friends and fam AND WRITE. As I woke up every morning, I felt an ease I haven't felt in awhile. I allowed my mind and body to embrace the slower pace and the simple beauty of the south. I would get prepared to write, BUT then I would see a hummingbird outside that I had to examine (or a lizard, or a tree frog, or a wasp). Of course this wasn't the first time I was seeing these little creatures, but it was the first time in awhile I was "SEEING" these little creatures. Know what I mean? No? Then this post is for you:)
Hours would pass as I became "Dora the Explorer" in my own right. My son would get involved too. We ended up acting out our own National Geographic shows, making up a plethora of bogus facts about the variety of varmints and such we would come in contact with in the yard and adjacent woods. I loved that we were "SEEING" these animals together. When we finally came in from our explorations... sweaty, dirty, and stinky... it was pool time! So you see, writing somehow took a backseat. Almost everyday.
REST was trying to get my attention AGAIN. Should I be annoyed? It's always interrupting my life. OR it's ADD and I need to redirect this blog. I had a writing project to attend to on that trip. Who has time to rest? Yet here it was. Like a pillar that I couldn't get around. I either had to embrace it or get a wrecking ball to remove it. For years, I was the wrecking ball. A human wrecking ball. Storming through life like a tornado. We know how destructive those are. In ministry, it was no different. Wrecking ball! Only now in a more productive field of work:) If the autoimmune crisis didn't get my attention, maybe wasps would?
Incredibly... they did.
REST asked me on a date and a miracle happened... I went without a fight. I keep rejecting it's desire to be more of a companion in my life. Yet, it has never given up on me even when I thought I would be giving up on life if I embraced it too much. If you are wondering why on God's green earth would I think REST to be a bad thing, than you are normal. Congratulations. I, however, am not. I admit I need help and maybe need to go to a recovery group or something. I need to GO GO GO to feel normal, steady, and healthy. However, I need to rethink priorities and the way I approach life as much as I need breath, and these "dates" were helping. Rest and I also went on dates with my mom and dad, my son, my high school friends, my old Tchefuncta Swim Club buddies, and now that I am back home in Cali... my husband has gone out with us too. He likes these dates the best:)
I don't know what rest looks like for everyone. For me, it means stopping. I'm not stopping motherhood, or being a wife, or a friend, or a child of God, or even being a light in this world. These things are who and what I am. BUT, I am stopping those things which have gotten in the way of those priority roles. I am stopping the compulsion to over-commit which has complicated life and my relationship to God and others. I am stopping those things I have been doing more in my own strength than in God's grace. I am going to stop relying so much on my abilities and lean more on His. My faith needs to be aimed more towards God's work and His hand moving than my own. Have I said this in an earlier post? Probably. Recovery is a process. No matter what the Lord is trying to free you from. For me, it's myself:)
THANK YOU REST...
and tree frogs.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(This entry is dedicated to Saint Scholastica's Class of 1991. You are my girls.)
