So my husband put me on blast the other day. These are love-hate moments because he speaks truth that is hard to hear, yet life-transforming when I receive it as a gift and not as judgment.
We were talking about a house we are currently trying to own. For those of you who know us, yes... it's been a five year process. I hate processes. It's the story of my life, so why should this one be any different. So as I was saying, we were talking about the logistics of getting THIS house. And as I was talking, my husband cuts me off with a stern voice and this "come to Jesus" look on his face. First of all, he NEVER cuts off anyone when they are speaking, much less me. I'm the rude one. And secondly, he rarely gives me a "come to Jesus" look, except for recently I have noticed.
He says "Kim, what are you doing?"
"What are you talking about?" Responding as if he is about to accuse me of shoplifting or something.
He continues, "You are talking about this house like you are trying to barter with God."
"What are you talking about?" I asked again not understanding the interrogation what-so-evA.
He softens his tone just a bit, puts his hand on my knee as if to break some hard news, and says "Kim. You just said that if God gave you this house then you would use it for bible studies, prayer meetings, or to house orphans."
"Well I would!" I proclaimed dutifully.
He continues, "What if this house deal goes through just because it's a blessing... no strings attached... no bartering with God necessary... just because it's a blessing."
I didn't know how to respond. I love home-based bible studies when it's relational, real, and providing rich discussion. I have always wanted to have a home where I can get a lot of folks together and pray... with food nearby. I have always wanted to use my home for any orphan or widow that the Lord would lead to our care. These things are genuine desires. However, something about what he was saying was stinging me, and I wasn't sure why. This penetrating feeling always comes when the Lord wants to free me of a false belief I hold about Him or His ways.
Remember, truth without love WILL ALWAYS lead to a legalistic walk with God that WILL ALWAYS prove joyless, peace-less, and hard. Resentment, anger, and a "breaking away" are inevitable with this perspective. Wanting to glorify God with all that you are and all you have is not bad. We were made to glorify Him. But when the "duty" to glorify Him is not coming out from a natural overflow of His love, things get sticky. Anything sticky struggles with freedom. Have you ever seen a bug get in honey? I don't know if that is a weird analogy to use here but I am from the south, and I have seen bugs in EVERYTHING! That bug is struggling. No matter what it does to get free, it can't. Until someone gets it out and gets ALL the honey off can it experience freedom. My husband was helping to get the honey off.
In this world you usually have to give to get in most cases. It is mostly foreign for folks just to give to others unconditionally, ESPECIALLY if they aren't deserving. Well, I can tell you that I am not a perfect person. Most undeserving actually. So why would a perfect God bless me with anything. Well, because He's perfect. Perfect in the way He loves us, and perfect in His gift giving. If we are diligent with anything, there will be a reward. At some point that diligence will pay off. That is a universal principle (found in Proverbs). But there are blessings the Lord gives that are just because He loves us. His Son's death on our behalf being one of those blessings, just because... He loves us.
Is His love for me going to be determined based on if I get this house or not. Of course not. Unfortunately, some folks think that way. No, God already gave me His best over 2000 years ago. However, the blessing in this whole scenario was that He scraped a little more honey off my dutiful wings. Freedom is a process. I hate processes. But if they lead me to a better understanding of who my DADDY is, where I am being more rooted and grounded in His love... then scrape away!
James 1:17-18
So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters. Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens. He never changes or casts a shifting shadow. He chose to give birth to us by giving us his true word. And we, out of all creation, became his prized possession.
Ephesians 3:17-21
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that SURPASSES KNOWLEDGE- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE
(this entry is dedicated to my girls... you know who you are.)
No comments:
Post a Comment