God's love is relentless.
The Bible says that God IS love. Many feel that God is anything but loving because of the things they have gone through in life. They usually feel that if there were truly a loving God, they would have been spared of those offenses or trials. He would have intervened, after all He is all-powerful right? Well, yes and no. He is all-powerful indeed and since He is love, He can't be anything but that. However, God did not create our broken world. (I will get into why there seems to be a lack of intervention at a later time.)Sin of man has created this broken world. Satan tempted man to come out from God's protection and guidance where man was free, man took the bait, and this world has been in chains ever since.
However, God sent a Redeemer. Jesus. He came to die on the Cross for our sins so that these chains would be broken. He didn't come just so we could go to heaven, although that's a biggie. He came so that we would experience His redemption here on earth... in this life. When I first came to Christ, I experienced FREEDOM. After, as life continued, this freedom was challenged. For every person who lives for the Lord, who is a believer, you will have challenges despite some theologies out there. But God's love is relentless and He will complete what He started in us.
Luke 22:31-34 (New International Version, ©2011)
“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you like wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." But he replied, “Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death." Jesus answered, “I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me.”
I have never denied the Lord after that expereince in 2000. I have continued to love Him even in the midst of my trials. However, I had become doubtful of His ways due to my trials in ministry and in my health. I went from, "Lord, I'll go anywhere and do anything for you!" to "I'm mad at you and I'm out!". Immature... probably. Weak... definitely. But true. I, like Simon Peter, was being sifted like wheat. Yet I , like Simon Peter, was about to be restored and strengthened to go back and strengthen others...
I started serving at another church after taking some time off. The senior pastor had asked me if I would conduct a bible study for those going through recovery from addictions. I said with a bit of hesitation, yes. Going to that first meeting was nerve-racking because I hadn't ministered in awhile, my faith was going through a crisis (nobody knew that of course), and reading the bible had become a duty not a life-giving discipline to me. I had no idea what to do and just decided to roll with whatever the Lord led me to do at the moment. Thank God I still trusted He would guide me in these situations, AND thankfully He still gave me a love for the poor in spirit to respond to this opportunity! Anyway, I awkwardly walked in and saw real folks, who I could sense, needed Jesus more than breath and DESIRED TO KNOW HIM. MAN! I didn't even know if I knew Him as well as I thought, being a pastor and all, and yet I was sent! Really Lord? I thought in my head. Really? You are sending me, a confused broken preacher in the midst of trial to teach them who you are?... I need to know who you are! I heard a soft confident voice speak back to me, "Great, then you will understand them more than anyone right now." Bam. He spoke. I knew at that moment He had been in control of all of this from the beginning. He was doing something, and even though I still didn't understand, I needed to trust Him again.
Hebrews 4:14-16 (New International Version, ©2011)
Jesus the Great High Priest
Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to EMPATHIZE with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
The Lord was not going to send someone into the lives of these folks who was just going to judge, or teach self-righteously, or preach "at". He wanted someone who could understand their desperate need for God, who has felt forsaken, who understood their rejection and need for restoration in their lives. I was the perfect candidate for this group. And Jesus was the perfect candidate for us.
The bible study started. We all made our introductions. We were all nervous and they were expectant. "What am I going to do here Lord. I don't feel like I can preach from that place of conviction as I use to, so what would you have me do right now?" I continued to have this unseen conversation with the Lord until I finally heard him say, "Read John". Then I was trying to argue with the Lord that it would be too boring if I just read to them like children at storytime. All I heard back was, "Just read". So I told them that we were going to read through the Book of John in the New Testament. Nobody knew what I was talking about, so I just started reading.
The last portion of this personal story to come...
Kim Winston Bigler
FREEtheINSIDE Ministries
(This entry is dedicated to my friends in this recovery group. You have changed me, I love you, and I will NEVER forget you.)
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